Gates of Mordor – Yalta – Simferopol

It is still very cloudy in the morning. I feel like a gorilla in the mist. The tent is all damp and wet, not great conditions to pack it up but I have no choice.

But after riding a bit it gradually clears up.

I encounter a very steep descent. There are large rocks everywhere on this steep hill. It is one of those hills where if I go down, there is not a chance I can get up again. As I descend, I notice another enduro rider waiting at the bottom. I make a stop and he greets me. He is wearing full protective gear and even a neck brace. This guy means business. He tells me that there is a gate if I want to make it back to Yalta. He says something about police and just offering some money to them to be able to continue. Oh boy, where have I ended up now.

I am very wary now as it appears that I have been riding somewhere where I shouldn’t have been. But hey, this other biker is here, so I guess it can’t be that bad. It is awfully quiet in the surroundings. Because there are so many tourists in Yalta, I was kind of expecting a crowd here since the scenery is awesome. I pull up to this little gazebo thing and again, the views are impressive.

Time to head back to Yalta. It is a tiny road that leads me back towards ‘civilization’. I only pass one kind of house and a dog starts barking, so there are people that live here. The road swerves all the way to the bottom of the plateau and now I see it on my gps. It also indicates a barrier on the road. Before I approach it I turn of the engine and roll myself just far enough not to be noticed. I can tell someone is guarding the barrier. Crap. Is this the police that I have to bribe? I wasn’t really feeling up for it so I decided to head back into the plateau. There is another town I could reach, at least, that is what the gps says, and from looking at the map, this side has no barrier. So upwards I go again. I again pass the house and again, the dog barking and this time accompanied by a man who gives me the look of death and starts waving his fist. Ooops, he does not seem pleased / impressed at all. I just give a little extra throttle and soon he is just a speck in my rear view mirror. So I continue to the other town that should get me out of this mess. The road is really quiet. I only cross one car. And as soon as I think I have reached the other town, another gate. Locked shut and lots of people waiting on the other side. One lady, who apparently is the gatekeeper is again not pleased to see me. I explain her that I don’t understand what the problem is and kindly point to my gps as it clearly states no presence of a gate. She is not buying it and calls either her business partner or her husband who shows up a few minutes later. Again, not greeted with friendlyness I try the same tactic as the lady. He whips up his phone and starts calling a number. From what I can tell he is calling someone to ask what to do. I think they are discussing the option of calling the cops, but I get the impression that the cops would not bother to come out here for just a biker who has been tresspassing the area. He hangs up the phone and tells me to go the other way. He will not let me pass. I even pull out some money, but no go. He won’t accept. He does open the gate for some cars entering the what I now think is a park of some sort. But he closes it soon after they are all in, and no way for me to get out.
Great, so back to square one. I decide to head back to the steep hill that I descended when I started early in the morning. If I can achieve getting up the hill again, then I am home free and don’t have to go back to the first gate. Since yesterday I could squeeze through some boulders to get into the park, I suppose this is my easiest way out again.

When I arrive back at the steep incline, it seems nearly impossible. It reminds me of those videos you see on tv where motorcycle riders try to tackle a hillside to get as high up as possible. This was extremely similar. I decided to take it slowly and see if my little mule could get to the top.
First attempt, I think I made it half way, or that is what I want to believe. I come to a halt, and the incline is too steep that I loose balance and get catapulted of my bike. I literally start running downhill before falling and a little tree breaking my fall. Not cool.
I really want to get to the top of this thing, so I decide one last attempt. Again, halfway, not more and almost the same result. Dropping the bike and struggling not to end up on the bottom of the hill. This is not working at all so I try to look for an alternative. Perhaps I can swerve around it. The hill is basically a cone, perhaps I can just follow it’s contour and swerve around it reaching the top. I go exploring on foot. There is a little footpath, that is the good part. But it is so narrow that it is too risky to try and come this way. If I stray from the little path, my bike could end up somewhere on the bottom of the hill, just like it did with my previous two attempts, so I call it quits.

I see no other option than to head back for the first gate, the one I sneaked up upon. On the way I start practicing my innocent tourist look that is genuinely unaware of where he is driving and how he got there. Again, I pass the house with the angry man, only this time he is busy entertaining a few people that have entered the ‘park’. Finally I make it back to the gate, and this one is a proper gate, the castle kind of gate, a proper stone wall with a wooden door in the middle.
It is a rather large lady guarding it and it is time to show her what I have practiced. So I pull my innocent tourist card but she won’t budge at all. She starts shouting stuff which I can’t understand. It must have been 5 minutes that I have been trying to persuade her to open the gate for me. I have one final trump card and that is to offer some money. Nope, she wont accept, but she finally heads towards the gate and eureka, she opens it. Many thanks are sent her way and I am finally out of Mordor.

I can now finally get something to eat somewhere since this parks food options were limited to some hand picked berries which I know nothing of so I don’t even try them, afraid of picking the poisonous kind. What better place to find something to eat than in Yalta. It is really busy and I already get annoyed with the place before I even get there. Not a good sign.
After eating something I really have no further interest in exploring the place. It is that tacky.

So I decide to continue back inland to a town called Simferopol. I checked online to see if they had some cheap accomodation options there and it seems they have one hostel. Time for me to check it out.

Upon my arrival I have a bit of a hard time finding the hostel which basically is an apartment in an apartment block that someone transformed into a hostel. Two rooms with some bunk beds and that sums it up. The kitchen and other facilities are basically shared between the owners and the guests. Not that I complain. Just stating the facts.

I post a message on the local couchsurfing forum to see if anyone is interested in joining for a drink later that night. And some people reply. After grabbing some snapshots on my way to the city, and after some eating I meet up with them and we have a night out into town.

One of the people I met knows an enduro motorbike rider that has driven all over crimea on his motorbike. He joins for some drinks and gives me a link to a site where I can download some gps routes that he has driven. He persuades me to try one track in the next days, saying that it is really great. So I download it and keep it for further reference. He assures me that no gates will be stopping me this time 🙂